There’s an old song that breaking up is hard to do.  But it happens, all to easily in some cases.  Either due to stress, boredom or just misinterpreted word, relationships can be wounded to the point they break.  If there’s no tension in a relationship, it’s not worth fighting for, but what happens when the tension and value that people place on a relationship pulls it apart?

Figuring out why a break up takes place is the most important part of assessing what happened and what you want to do about it – and if you’re aware the potential problems before they happen, it’s a lot easier to resolve them without the complications of dealing with the issues caused by  break-up.   If the break up was caused by financial problems understanding how you’ll be able to better manage your financial situation so that both parties feel they have a fair level of buy into the decision making process is critical.  Likewise if someone feels a lack of respect or unloved, you’ll have to address those feelings before getting back together.  Many problems develop over time and are not the result of one incident; even infidelity has its causes because your partner feels that something is missing from the relationship.  Being able to talk to your partner about your feelings towards the relationship and likewise being able to listen to their feelings is one of the best proofs that the relationship is important to both of you.  But what do you do if a break up happens?

Choosing to get back together with your ex or moving on is a question that each person must answer for themselves.  In some cases breaking up was the only real option, one too many missteps or mistakes.  If you choose to move on, don’t be in too much of a rush to date again.  Getting over all but the briefest relationships takes time.  If the relationship didn’t have meaning it wouldn’t matter so much that it ended.  Distance will also help you avoid making mistakes in choosing who to have a relationship with.  

Right after you break up there’s a sense of longing of wanting a relationship just because you miss some part of it, either the physical intimacy or just the self confidence of knowing that there’s someone out there thinking of you, the quality of the connection is just as important.  While it may seem impossible to consider that being single is better than being in a relationship after a break up – pay attention to your dating possibilities.  Take what you learned in the relationship and put it good use, avoid the mistakes that you might have made in the past.
But do spend time with single friends and people who won’t constantly remind you of what you lost.  Tinting life through rose colored glasses and an idealized view of what happened won’t help you truly move on.  There are people you can talk to for help, make use of them.  We’ve all been in the dark and troubled days after a break up.  People understand and while you may feel hurt or sad, understand that this is natural and a healthy response.

Getting back together with your ex is far more complicated and it needs to be handled delicately.  You and your ex fell for each other for a reason, show your ex that you’re still that same person, and that being part of your life is a privilege.  Groveling to come back to them won’t win you any favors.   People need to be confident in their own self worth – which can be at it’s lowest after a break up – being a part of their life should be a privilege.  Going to them with the invitation to join your life is a lot more affective than groveling for a morsel of their attention.

Relationships end.  For most people that’s a fact of life, and it does happen, for better or worse.  But understanding what happened and how it can be avoided, repaired and dealt with can help you better understand what happened and if make sure that you don’t make the same mistakes over and over again.  Too many people don’t pay attention to the events in their lives.  Make sure that you do and that you have the wisdom to learn for your experiences, the good the bad and the painful.